There once was a woman, a relative born in 1876.. Bella ( she was my great gran) who met Ernest born 1877. When they had had their children, one unfortunately had died, (the first son) and this had impacted the line of surviving women, further impacting Gerty ( my gran) by what she had received via umbilicus. And how it continued in succession down the line. How he ( Ernest ) went insane- allegedly and how she survived, keeping herself and their children out of the workhouse, this is her story as I know it.

Her life of prostitution, of violence, the abortion that ultimately killed her, and how that left its mark on me ..just one of the ancestors..many generations later.
The feelings and nuances that she had received via her mother’s placenta were toxic and evoked feelings of not being worthy, of favouritism, of boys over girls, and how this is alive and kicking in our line but also in many others..to this day.
How it is rested in our line now so to speak. About how it has arisen through wrong choices made by free will – Carl and how it was brought out with his mother and then again by his mother subsequently with his own firstborn son. ( his daughter born later pale in comparison, the son completely idolised by the grandma.) And how he then brought it out with our first born, a girl. The academic one, favoured over the second creative one. How he had abducted one (the favoured one) whilst on the same day abandoning the second one. Bringing about a whole new level to division .(I was going to say and favouritism but actually he liked neither, they took the attention away from him you see, but when push came to shove he took the one who he hoped would make him proud) Ah the Leo..🦁

The karma cared not how it was achieved only that this was to be the test-Saturn– that both our respective lines needed to overcome. As this is what I had received from my own mother ..division and favouritism..my sister academic and me creative, just like my two girls, two carbon copies..I loved them both equally. My Libra moon made it not even difficult. It’s something my own mother never had, (any Libra) she just never noticed, despite being the odd one out within her own sibling constellation. She thought her being the middle of three was the problem ,no, it was simply favouritism. When Gerty, my gran, was impacted via umbilicus she had received feelings of loss and despair from her grief stricken mother, a month later upon her own birth, her mother Bella ~a k a me in this life~ had not accepted her, another fooking girl, as she had wanted to replace her firstborn son. To overcome grief, poverty, lack of education – to have to sell your body to scrape enough together to stay out of the workhouse, it was all about survival. It must have been sheer hell. Bella did not succeed overcoming her favouritism, the grief, the death of the son was the final blow to her husband, already on the slippery slope with his own mental health, with what today would be called a borderline personality disorder.
He was a fantasist. How do I know this ? Well there are clues all over the ancestry website, for instance when they married he presented her (aka me) six months pregnant at the time. He never felt good enough in front of the vicar, and his projections so when asked how old he was he lied and said 25, when actually he was 21. He continued when asked what he did for a living answering that he was a commercial traveller- he was a milkman, and finally the third lie 🤥.What does your father do for a living? He answered he was a schoolmaster (deceased) – that bit was true- the dead bit, in reality he had worked as a stationers messenger.
This was all about the Leo- talking himself up – showing off– he was sadly lacking in the strong ID dept. His own father had died when he was just 12 as my own passed away when I was 11 but I digress.. (we have Saturn in our fourth house, as does my abducted, eldest daughter) .When Gerty had grown up and married she had twins, a girl and a boy (my dad). She never knew of what she had received via umbilicus (of division and favouritism) and how she was not good enough as she was a girl. But subconsciously she hated the boy, my dad. She veered back, wildly to get this right..for the line..but never achieved balance- Libra- that one was for me. Again we see narcissism, the negative side to Leo and borderline personality disorders being vented. We see the golden child and the scapegoated child. My mother did not receive this like my dad had, but she did get the favouritism. That’s the fact that she wasn’t it. So when they had met both my mother and my father’s vibration matched. On a level they understood each other, no words were ever mentioned and even after eighteen years of marriage my dad had never discussed his parents, his home life or his relationship with his twin. My mother could validate nothing, whatever I heard from spirit or found within his natal chart I had to check with one elderly aunt, who many years ago had worked alongside my father doing piece work in a factory.

In Carl’s ancestry it was the same. His mother who I can’t profess to know much about her upbringing but I do know she over-mothered her first born son, Carl, my ex. He had had a sister -seven -Saturn – years later who used to call him golden balls as he could no wrong where his mother was concerned. This younger sister could never measure up, there was not a chance. Over time he grew into a narcissist, all the Leo planets and the Leo rising compounded with how he had to win her over, in order to get the appreciation and validation he required. He turned himself into his mothers vision of perfection (she was a Virgo) and he succeeded in projecting out a fake I d. He would have made a wonderful- Leo – actor. Just the same as Ernest, born way back in 1877, that’s because at soul level they are one and the same.
We were round again, we were put together hopefully to share the children, the same two girls we had parented in that incarnation. The two that had survived when the beloved first son had died.
It seems we failed, he could not share, he felt his karma from that life that was outstanding, but unfortunately he acted as a narcissist would. He misused his power ,could not reign in his Plutonic shadow. He took the revenge on me, (did I mention Pluto was also in Leo?) this was first thing on his agenda. Our daughter took the hit in her mental health as after he had taken her, he isolated her from us then totally abandoned her.

The full story of how I found out that we were round again – to meet up again in this life- to pay back outstanding karma from that life– when I was Bella – a prostitute- and he was Ernest- a milkman -who spent 18 years in the asylum-allegedly insane- is written in my multi layered book .Just a mother of four published by Balboa press, part of Hay house.